Play #98: Colin and Clifford discuss an e-Rendezvous

The play is set in The New Yorker, a small Chinese restaurant in Albany, New York.  It is early on an October evening and Colin is telling Clifford about a recent e-assignation in rural Quebec.

COLIN (already exasperated): …So I get to the hotel at the appointed time and the woman hasn’t arrived.

CLIFFORD:  Well, I thought you told me she had a long drive to get there.

COLIN:  Even so.   And then when she does show up…an hour late…I’ve already had a bite to eat at the hotel, and she then informs me that she’s hungry and wants to go out somewhere.

CLIFFORD:  So what did you do?

COLIN: I took her to a steak house ten miles away and sat watching her eat.

CLIFFORD (wistfully): I like to watch a woman eat….

COLIN (irritated):  Yeh?  Well I don’t.

CLIFFORD (puzzled):  Why not?

COLIN (with a shudder):  All that elaborate mastication, punctuated with those meaningful, pleasured looks!  It’s almost indecent!

CLIFFORD (sympathetic):  It’s different maybe if you do it together.

COLIN:  Do what together?


COLIN (absently):  Oh…yeh.  And then there’s the evening to get through.  And guess what?  There’s no TV in the room!

CLIFFORD:  So what did you do?

COLIN:  I had a book with me.

CLIFFORD: What about her?

COLIN: She had her laptop, and proceeded to email everybody she knew…probably about what a schmuck she thought I was.

CLIFFORD:  Why didn’t you make love to her?

COLIN (surprised and repelled):  Before dark?