Play #66: The Carmen Audition

The play is set in an almost empty rehearsal hall.
There is a table, at which sit the producer, director, writer  and music director of the upcoming play—which is a mounting of Bizet’s opera, Carmen.  As this audition play begins, the director and the others are interviewing a flamboyant young woman who is already dressed in full Carmen-esque costume. 

Director (genially):  I see you’ve come dressed in the spirit of the part!

Carmen (puzzled):  I don’t understand.

Director:  Well, you’re dressed in the Carmen costume. 

Carmen (slightly affronted):  I’m dressed the way I always dress.

Producer (smiling patiently):  You always dress like Carmen?

Carmen (coolly): I always dress the way I always dress.

Music Director (sceptical):  You always dress like this?

Carmen (defensively):  What’s wrong with it?

Producer: Nothing, nothing. It’s just that the costumes haven’t even been designed yet.

Carmen (calmly): Well, mine has.

Director: Can you sing?

Carmen:  Oh certainly.  Like a thrush. 

Music Director:  Let’s hear you sing then.  Give us Over the Rainbow or something.

Carmen (restless):  No, not that.  How about the Habanera from the opera?

Music Director (surprised):  You know it well enough?

Carmen: Intimately well.

Director (quietly, insightfully):  You’re not really an actress at all are you?  

Carmen (smiling):  Not really, no.

Director (fascinated):  Please tell us then.  Who are you?

Producer (impatient):  Never mind all that.  Tell her she’s got the part!!