PLAY #9: The Judgment of Paris

The play is set in the vales of midmost Ida.
It is the unhappy task of Paris, a commoner, to award a Golden Apple to the goddess he deems the most beautiful of all; he must choose between the fearsome Juno, the astringent Minerva and the delectable Venus.  No contest, you might say.  But for Paris, it’s not that simple.

JUNO:  Well, little Paris, you have a decision to make.  Do you fancy yourself up to the task?

PARIS:  I hope so.

JUNO (pointedly): I hope so too.

VENUS:  Paris.  What a lovely name!  How fine to be named after the City of Light!

MINERVA (looking scornfully at Venus):  Stuff and nonsense!

VENUS (purring): Do you like me, Paris?

MINERVA:  We ALL like you. Venus, now stop vamping our noble judge.

JUNO:  He NOT noble.  He’s just nobody—with a catchy name.

PARIS (sighing heavily):  I would like to be as fair as possible, but Venus is just too much for me.  There’s no withstanding her loveliness!

(he gives her the apple)

JUNO and MINERVA (thin-lipped with rage):  Okay, just you wait until the Trojan War begins.

Venus and Paris:  The what?